An Open Letter to My Sons

MY dear baby boys,

I don’t think I need to tell you how much I love you, how much you were wanted.
Hell, I say it almost every day, while I put tiny kisses on your sweet smelling heads.

I can’t tell you how happy I was during our ultrasound to determine your gender to hear the words:
*well you have 2/5 of a basketball team*
and while I don’t particularly go for basketball, I knew those words meant one thing
*well ok  I assumed*
2 BOYS.

My heart literally skipped a beat. I was so happy.
I was so much better with boys.
Plus, don’t boys always love their moms?
Never leave them?
Stay loyal to their first “girl“?
I was under a haze of love for both of you when you were only 20 week olds in utero.

Of course, there were those momentary regrets.
Longings is probably a better word.
I lamented the dresses & bonnets  I would never buy
The ballet recitals we would likely never attend to watch YOU dance.
I had wanted children who would love Broadway musicals as much as I do
( I’m still crossing my fingers on that one, I won’t lie)
and be able to find Bradley Cooper as handsome & sexy as I do.

However, there was a sigh of relief at the thoughts of having NO DRAMA.
I had silly fantasties that having boys meant that I would be the only
DRAMA QUEEN  in our home
(because seriously; how many does one home really need? )
So I while I sat on bedrest, cooking both of you in my tummy, my worries DID not include
things like whining, theatrics and mood swings that would spin my head around.

Now, I have been dutiful. I have read articles, I have done research.
I have started to count to 10 when I hear the low squeal that means a scream is coming.
I’ve accepted the fact that you are TODDLERS.
Well Preschoolers now.
I have made myself  understand that I “don’t know everything”

But my beautiful sons, WE NEED TO TALK.
Because you two are getting out of hand.
I wake up every morning with hopes of “today being different”
and then I am seized with whining that rivals that of Lindsey Lohan on a bender.
Getting dressed is like negotiating a peace summit and since you don’t wear dresses and the like
you’d think that it would be easy to put jeans, undershirt , socks and shirts on.
I had no idea that the color of your socks would mean so much to you.
I apologize for my lack of sensitivity to this.

However, I cannot anticipate your needs if they change from one moment to the next.
While you might think I might be, I am not ALL KNOWING.
I wish for that, but alas, nothing yet.
I think that I can also safely say that maybe , and you can correct me if I’m wrong,
but you,  my friends, have PMS

I know PMS and you show all the classic signs.
Quiet sobbing, eating of chocolate for dinner, feeling more at home in your PJ Nuggets than clothes, and your feelings about Dora, your brother,
or who gets to open the garage door turning on a frickin dime.
I was not expecting this.
I thought boys would get dirty, smell funny & leave food under their beds.
I was ready for those things armed with laundry detergent and lavendar baby lotion.

I have no idea how to deal with your PMS,
your constant whining and your arguments about what color your chocolate milk really is.
You are irrational and that’s saying something when you understand who your mommy is.

I am asking for a reprieve, waving a white flag,  hoping for a truce.

I am the GIRL in this house, and until you can prove otherwise (preferably with charts, graphs and video) I have dibs on the anatomy.

Love your Mommy

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14 Responses to An Open Letter to My Sons
  1. serenity
    March 10, 2011 | 10:39 am

    [giggling]

    I SO know this. PMS reins supreme in my house too, Kir. In the form of BOTH of my boys.

    And sometimes the cat, too. :)

    xoxo

  2. Amy
    March 10, 2011 | 11:15 am

    OMG, Kir, I'm laughing so hard right now, I can't control myself! Reading the title and the first few lines of this post, I grabbed a tissue preparing to wipe away sentimental tears. I had no idea I'd need it to wipe away tears of LAUGHTER!!

    Love ya!

  3. Amy
    March 10, 2011 | 11:54 am

    OMG, Kir, I'm laughing so hard right now, I can't control myself! Reading the title and the first few lines of this post, I grabbed a tissue preparing to wipe away sentimental tears. I had no idea I'd need it to wipe away tears of LAUGHTER!!

    Love ya!

  4. MrsJenB
    March 10, 2011 | 12:13 pm

    Oh you poor, poor harassed mommy. I, too, have always heard that boys are "easier". I guess now I'll know better…

    You totally cracked me up with this one. :-)

  5. Dora
    March 10, 2011 | 1:28 pm

    Great post. The struggle for control is just gaining speed at our place. Miss Sunshine gave me such a hard time about getting dressed the other day, that she just went out in her pajama bottoms instead of pants.

  6. TamingInsanity
    March 10, 2011 | 3:12 pm

    Oh, that, that is rich.

    The eating of chocolate for dinner. I finally realize what my son is going through.

  7. Krista
    March 10, 2011 | 4:59 pm

    Oh this is so funny! Thanks for a little insight into what my future holds! Life with boys! ha ha!

  8. BigP's Heather
    March 10, 2011 | 5:19 pm

    Hilarious!!

  9. Lisa
    March 10, 2011 | 5:53 pm

    Too funny
    I have 4 boys – (& one long suffering "Princess") life is….interesting :-)
    I'm following you on google friends & networked blogs. Looking forward to reading more ;-)

  10. Snuggle Wasteland
    March 10, 2011 | 7:37 pm

    At least they both have it at the same time and won't be staggering the PMS symptoms for a couple of weeks.
    PS I'm laughing with you – not at you.

  11. Genevieve
    March 11, 2011 | 11:36 am

    I am really trying not to laugh, I am.. is. .but seriously, how could a mom who loves coordinating not have boys that do? It just makes sense. And toddlers might as well have PMS, there is no logic. Concrete thinking is a ways off yet…

    LOVE YOU!

  12. Ash
    March 12, 2011 | 8:35 am

    Oh girl, I'm laughing. Laughing! I received the same information from a mom at preschool yesterday after I commented on how adorable her daughter looked in her ballet tights, adding a lament that that was the only thing I missed from having two boys – her comment back – "but no drama for you!"

    Silly mama to all girls. :)

    Pretty sure my youngest, turning 5 tomorrow, will win an Oscar one day.

  13. Sarah @ Thank You Honey
    March 27, 2014 | 6:22 pm

    So funny! Isn’t coordinating outfits the best with twin boys. I would have so much fun! I’m shocked they don’t like it. It’s like dress up for moms!

  14. Jackie Hennessey
    March 28, 2014 | 9:43 am

    I found you on SITS and love this. It’s so necessary! I love how you say “We need to talk.” And oh boy, the PMSing, chocolate for dinner…oh I’ve been there. Great post.

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