“Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.”
― Marc Riboud
I pushed off the table, the crisp white paper clinging to me and threatening to accompany me before I reached behind and released myself .
The tears on my face were quickly drying but because fresh ones threatened to spill over I rushed past John and grabbed the underwear I had tucked into my skirt and slowly pulled it up my legs, letting it cradle my hips.
Legs that wobbled and felt like Jello, legs that had been spread apart and offered an entrance for the camera.
John was holding the picture, the black grainy evidence of our choices and our victory. The two spots sat suspended in their dark background like two jelly beans set in the green synthetic grass of an Easter Basket and like that time of new life and renewal, in an instant, we had been given a promise. Not a gurantee, but for now that didn’t seem as important as the picture my husband was holding.
He handed it to me with a reverance you reserve for things like a Chalice of wine or a newborn baby. It seemed just as scared and just as fragile in that moment as I rubbed my thumb across the grainy image and let the fresh tears fall.
It was the first snapshot of the life we had finally created and it sat on my nightstand, where we sang to those jelly beans every night before we drifted off to sleep, every night of my pregnancy.
It was the picture that changed our life.
For our Memoir post at Write on Edge this week, we were asked to take a blog post and make it a Memoir piece.
This post Show& Tell: The Picture that Changed Our Life was written in May 2008, and I took one piece of it, the part I remember, and gave it back to you.
If you are a member of BlogHer
Please don’t forget to VOTE for my nominated piece for BlogHer’s VOICE OF THE YEAR about my struggle with infertility,
you can click right here to vote for BEING CARRIED. Thank you! xo
This is absolutely beautiful! I love the idea of the jelly beans and the Easter grass!
Thank you for you sweet comment on my post (although I didn’t redo it, as instructed!). I am still struggling with this separation. I know if feels better for me, but I worry about them (my parents) and with they could see the need in this. I want their approval so badly, and I’m not going to get it.
Great job!
I love the imagery here and applaud your ability to turn an event so personal and raw into such remarkable literature. Bravissima!
Great imagery. I love how you captured that first moment.
That’s a perfect post to change; what an amazing moment for the two of you to experience. My favorite part of this is John holding the picture with reverance. It conjures images of how he must have been in the first moments he held the boys.
Perfect. xo
Tears.
Kir.
Tears for you for your husband and for your jelly beans.
I know how much these two blessings mean to you.
Gah…I wish I had something awesome to say because this post is perfection.
Love you Mama.
Oh, Kir that was just lovely.
And on a light note, I’m impressed you made getting your knickers back on sound dignified.
Well done, you.
Lovely and a bit holy and pure.
A sacred moment indeed…loved the harkening to the chalice…because isn’t seeing your babies for the first time a taste of the divine?
This moved me to tears, Kir. Just beautiful.
Well, now I am experiencing blurry eyes…must be allergies. This was so very beautiful. My heart is full.
I don’t want to ruin this post or your memory by saying something stupid. This is a gorgeous postcard fo a great moment. Bless you wonderful family.
You captured that moment beautifully. So perfect.
That is such a beautiful memory to share with all of us. I can only imagine how you guys felt when you first saw those little jellybeans on the monitor.
A simply beautiful capturing of a lovely moment. I love the transformation from the original post to this and the way this one really puts us in that moment when you felt such pure joy. Beautiful!
That is a life changing picture and one that you should always cherish.
xoxo
What a moment to capture! I was worried at first. Worried that the tears represented sadness, that the camera represented pain. But then, the reverence, the sacred moment…and I felt myself smile in shared joy and hope.
In other words, brilliant, lady!
MANDY!!! hi. I love when you visit.
I’m so glad you liked it and you saw all the happiness at the end. It was a WOW moment for us for sure.
At first I thought this was going to turn out badly, with the tears and the exam table–my mind automatically went to, “Oh, no, she’d had a miscarriage.”
How wonderful to keep reading and discover your beautiful moment and your precious jellybeans. Your imagery is great.
(Btw, I have my own jellybean picture, and it looks an awful lot like yours. One of my most treasured possessions.)
HI Angie,
thank you for this comment. So glad to have another mom talk about her “jellybean picture” and didn’t mean to scare you. I was just numb that day after hearing there was “nothing in my uterus” from the PA to having the dr tell me I was pregnant with twins…it was a crazy good day.