This is a stand alone piece..
His eyes narrowed as he watched her simulate a hug of the suitcase, pulling the two zippers together and then dragging it to the floor.
When she turned he glimpsed the silver trail of tears that had snaked down her smooth cheeks. Lifting her eyes he scrambled to hold them fast with his own while choking back a plea, “Why are you leaving?”
Her pursed lips, the ones he still loved to kiss, didn’t move but her eyes answered, “Because you never deserved me.”
The last noise she made as she clicked the plastic handle into place shattered his heart.
So over at Lance’s there is a celebration of sorts, it was WORLD GOTH DAY. (I didn’t get the memo because I listened to pop songs all day and wore Legally Blonde Pink to work)
anyway, those of you visiting from there, welcome! I am sorry I am not part of the GOTH, Punk Rock Posse, but I do like to play along with the 100 word song, so here I am.
(listen I gave up a long time ago on hoping for a a song I recognized (and let’s not even bring up Nickelback ( I don’t like them either) since they make Lance want to “punch kittens” OUCH!) but I’m still holding out for something that doesn’t make my ears bleed when I turn it on.
(that said everyone hated my selection for the 100 song but you still wrote for it so I’m nothing if not a loyal team player.)
I resort to the lyrics (since I love the words anyway) and hope I captured some of it.
This week’s selection was made by my good and talented writing friend, Frelle
WITHIN ME by the Italian goth band Lacuna Coil:
ooommmfffff
what agut punch.
Not a married person alive who hasn;t thought these lines.
The part about the bag handle is perfection. excellent work.
well…let’s see. I didn’t see these two married, but maybe they are, maybe she stayed too long.
I wrote that line about the handle for 10 minutes..so thank you, I’ll take that compliment because I could hear it click and take his hope with it. i”m glad it translated.
it goes without saying that if you think it was ok…I’m happy just with that.
I liked that he didn’t try to hold her or touch her … it was the look in the eyes. It conveys so much more emotion.
You are so very good at this.
well I don’t know what to say beyond thank you and the quiet sob that just escaped me. I don’t feel talented at all, but I’m glad that this one translated and struck a nerve. That means a lot to me.
Gotta say this hits home. Not going into details though.
I loved that last line as well. Such a simple sound but it packs a punch when you think of it this way.
Stand alone or not…I could almost see this as Kate leaving her hubby for Lancey-boy. Just sayin’
And not EVERYONE hated your song choice.
ohhhhh – oh, my
but yes
(and I’m with you on the music thing – as you may have noticed with my pick – grin – I get my music overload by watching So You Think You Can Dance – just found lyrics from a song from tonight’s show. Wow!)
Because, I love music – pretty much ALL music – I am just not exposed to some of the newer, edgier stuff.
well I don’t like the edgier stuff..LOL. I have a very “light” dark side, like a grey side.
I love that you came over Barbara, it made my day since I love your writing. I am really enjoying my new friendships because of 100 word song. Lance needs a gift basket from me.
You led us to that last line effectively.
“The last noise she made as she clicked the plastic handle into place shattered his heart.”
It is the sound he will never forget.
hi!!
the clicking of that handle, it took his hope of any kind of reconciliation. I’m just so glad it translated..thank you for coming by and commenting, it means a lot to me.
this is good!
I like Carrie’s take that it COULD be used in Gathering Buttercups, though you might have to adapt it. It’s too good not to use SOMEWHERE.
well hello there my twin…how are you??? Thank you, I don’t know if I want to use it for GBs..although I might use it for Lance’s wife to leave him, not Kate to leave Anthony..Anthony is a good guy, but he’s not the love of her life…he doesn’t deserve these eyes, Lance might.
Thank you so much for linking to my blog in your author’s note! That was really nice of you!
I loved your take, and think this was a great response to the prompt. I was in the room with them, lots of awesome sensory to draw me into the scene. I’m sorry that his heart shattered, I wasn’t expecting that, so I agree with Lance on the gut punch.
HI there my friend, I missed you. Glad you liked it…and whether I use is in another story or not, it was good to write this, I liked the way it felt to write that heartache.