I never really thought much of the 5th month.
In reality, if asked, I would say that I loved December for Christmas and September for the Indian Summers. The months of summer will always make me smile as I head to the beaches and February because of my birthday,ranks near the top for no other reason than the cupcakes and presents.
May, although a nice month, didn’t touch my radar. Not in any meaningful way.
But thinking back there have been life changing things that touched my life in this Merry Month.
I finally graduated from college in May.
I started In Vitro and consequently got pregnant with my sons in May.
We christened Giovanni and Jacob as I celebrated my first (long awaited) Mother’s Day in May.
and then this year happened…
…It started with Listen to Your Mother, the Sunday that will be etched on my heart for all time now, the 5 minutes of reading my own writing on a Stage in NYC with the men and women who are now a part of my history.
…Then a beautiful Mother’s Day surrounded by the hugs and admiration of my beautiful niece as she gets ready to graduate and the sound of her saying, “I will never be able to thank you for marrying Aunt Kirsten Uncle John, I love her so much”.
…Next a trip to Philly and my heart bursting open with the friendships I made at Bloggy Boot Camp. I felt like I had come home, I smiled and giggled and listened and learned. It was so much more than a conference, it was an oasis for the writer, blogger, friend and woman in me.
…A Memorial Day weekend that was perfect in so many ways I almost can’t explain it. But as I swam in Barnegat Bay and watched my sons toss away their fears and jump in the water alongside me, I felt a peace and contentment I had been lacking. I turned my face to the sun, I ignored my blog and I smiled.
This year has been such an amazing time for me, doors opening, words spilling, friends I get to hug IN PERSON and look in the eyes.
For the first time in almost 8 years I feel like my life is finally opening up again. I wasn’t worried about infertility or fibromyalgia, I wasn’t counting on a migraine as I accepted the third drink from my brother at the bar( I haven’t had any alcohol in 8 years) and I sang right along with the lead singer of the band who was flirting with my sister in law.
Even my weight is shifting and I feel beautiful and confidant as I slip into pants that haven’t fit in years. My heart feels lighter and now that the boys are older, Idon’t have any guilt about going to dinner with my girlfriends, having a weekend away, taking time to indulge myself.
I am open to new opportunities and dare I say it, I am happier than I’ve been in a long long time.
Just like this Month, I feel ripe with possibility, my soil feels ready for planting and I am reaching up to the sky, willing to endure the rain, if the sun is promised.
If I could tell you how I feel, it’s like when you fall in love. That heady rush of emotions where you don’t want to eat or sleep , you just want to live in your skin that tingles. Like a crush, I am falling head over heels in love with my life again.
Robert Frost wrote that “Nothing Gold Can Stay” and so I am holding tight to the rest of this month, these last 2 days where I can believe in Magic and Serendipity.
If nothing good can last, I’d like to enjoy the moments I have left in this Merry Ole Month of May and be thankful for the light they brought me.
But June? If you’re listening, I wouldn’t mind a few more weeks (or months) of this.
Quietly hoping that the rest of this year has even more beautiful surprises in store for me.