Their shoes clicked along the linoleum as they made their way through the throngs of people. The storm clouds had cancelled any plans for outdoor activities so Charlotte and Katie found their natural habitat infiltrated by mobs of restless families, obnoxious teenagers and harried mothers steering their double strollers while chatting on their cell phones.
As they passed windows featuring richly textured bags and staged displays of impossibly high heels, Katie reached for the hot pretzel Charlotte was holding. Breaking off a piece, she dipped it in the mustard and popped it into her mouth
“Hmm, it’s shooo good.” She said around the doughy mess in her mouth, talking above the din as they passed the food court and tried to avoid the store that gave them an instant headache with its pounding club music and overpowering cologne that always seemed to seep into the bustling hallway.
“Close your mouth when you’re eating.” Charlotte shock back, winking at her best friend.
“Sworry.” Katie smiled and grabbed another piece of the snack.
“So, how’s Nick?” she asked.
“Good.” Charlotte answered the pink rising from her chest to her fair cheeks.
“Just good?” Katie teased.
“Yes.” Charlotte said, her eyes hiding nothing from her friend, “for now it’s just really good.”
Katie rolled her eyes and bumped the shoulder of her friend.
Recovering Charlotte shot back, “And Lance? How is he?”
Katie blushed and dropped her eyes, “I’m wild about him. I simply can’t stay away from that man.”
“Why doesn’t that sound like a good thing?”
Katie shouted over a mob of tweens headed into Game Stop, “Because I’m married with a decent husband and a beautiful little son, I shouldn’t be acting like this.”
“Do you love him?”
Katie nodded, tears welling up in her eyes.
“So what are you going to do?” Charlotte asked, stopping to smell a candle outside Bath and Body Works.
Katie sighed and massaged some lotion from the table into her hands, “Honestly Char? I don’t fucking know.”
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Want More Gathering Buttercups? Click HERE!!!!
WRITE ON EDGE PROMPT
The prompt for this week is to use setting to deepen the development of your story. You can use it to give insight into a character or a conflict or simply to evoke an emotional mood from your reader.
If you choose memoir this week, take us to a location that holds particular meaning for either a particular event or for your life as a whole.
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Trifecta’s Word Prompt this week is: WILD
a (1) : not subject to restraint or regulation : uncontrolled; also : unruly (2) : emotionally overcome <wild with grief>; also : passionately eager or enthusiastic <was wild to own a toy train — J. C. Furnas>
(are you playing this week?)
Why am I not surprised this passage talked about shoes? Interesting twist on the prompts. Thanks for inspiring me to consider trying them. Gathering Buttercups…like it.
because Katie and Charlotte love shoes
. Did they work? The prompts etc, I sent it to my best friend and said, could you see/hear/smell the mall? She said yes..I just want to know if it worked for others. 
thanks for coming by, it’s so nice to see you here.
I’m wild about Charlotte, Katie, Lance, and Nick! So good!!!!
HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re here!
I miss you. I am so glad you like this story…truly, makes my day!
Know what I find awesome and you might find this absolutely silly but I love how you incorporated how someone actually sounds with food in their mouth.
Silly.
Oh I’m hungry.
You need to write a book friend. You create such beautiful imagery.
xoxo
The mall details were really well done — it made me want a pretzel!
now that is what I like to hear, I took you to the mall..and that matters! YAY. So glad you stopped by, thank you.
I loved that Katie was talking with a pretzel in her mouth because that is so what you do when you are out with your closest friends. Also, I love that you made reference to the one store on earth that drives me insane with the music and cologne pumping from its doors. I always worry that their employees are going to have hearing loss & that they will lose their sense of taste and smell.
As for Katie and her situation, you couldn’t have ended this piece better than the quote you chose! xo!
HI!!!!! god I love when you come over!! doesn’t everyone over the age of 17 hate Abercrombie??? I think so. I also like that everyone is enjoying the way you talk with doughy pretzel in your mouth, makes me think that I did something right.
Thank you for saying that about the ending too, I thought about what I’d say, what do you say when you’re faced with that question …and all I could think was the word I love in real life. LOL F***
love you for commenting, love that you’re here!!
Great moment. Would love to see where this goes. Maybe you can continue it with the next challenge word?
HI Sandra, thank you for coming over. I am writing GATHERING BUTTERCUPS to WOE Prompts, Trifectas and 100 Word Songs…for the rest of the year, so if you stick around you’ll get to see the whole story, plus there is a tab at the top with the story so far.
again, thanks so much for coming over to read and comment, that means a lot to me.
I’m with those two on shoes (I’m a freak) AND Abercrombie, can’t stand it.
I love both relationships and characters yet Charlotte and Nick’s just a bit better ’cause the older woman scored a younger hottie. Love to read how these four are progressing. I usually read yours first.
Well Yes, Charlotte is getting her cougar on and I like it too, I like seeing her feel powerful and beautiful after the relationship she left. You read me first??? are you kidding? Go read someone who KNOWS how to write, please!!! I love that you like to read this story, it makes me happy.
plus I love that you are as much of a shoewhore as I am….(and Katie and Charlotte)
You definitely established that these two women were into clothes and appearances. The question is how much would that affect their perceptions of those around them.
It’s difficult to see them as adults in this though. The setting and the way they are discussing their relationships makes them sound much younger than I would assume they truly are. Something to keep in mind?
I still love the scene and think you did a great job crafting the setting with more than just words. We got sounds and scents too
ok Carrie. I appreaciate that clarification although these two are just the same two girls they always have been, and I wanted that to show..that marriage, abusive relationships, even infidelity doesn’t make them anything more than what they are…two women who love, support and encourage one another. Plus as I said to Steph, I rewrote the part obout Katie telling Char in front of Game Stop in a big loud voice on purpose because I wanted it very clear, that for a married woman with a son and a cupcake business (Read: she has it all…and all together) she doesn’t, she is in a sense acting childish because Lance has her crazy with emotion. In my head, I heard her shout those words, above the din and above the teenagers who don’t even hear her. Does that make sense when you think of it that way?
I think the doughy mess of the pretzel as Charlotte ate it is a perfect counterpoint to Katie’s emotions.
HI there, thanks for coming over and I’m glad you saw the mall and the pretzel as the chaotic backdrop for Katie’s conflicted heart. I appreciate you just reading it. THANK YOU
I like how you described the mall as Charlotte and Katie’s natural habitat. It makes sense that they would go there to share their stories.
Thanks for playing. Don’t forget to come back tomorrow for the new prompt.
oh I’m your newest CULT follower…I am really enjoying Trifecta. Thanks for letting me play.
Fantastic writing and great dialogue. I felt like I was there with them in the conversation and sniffing lotions.
HI!! I love when you visit!! I’m so glad you liked it, that it translated, thank you for that.
I liked this slice. The crowd of the mall, the favorite and not so favorite stores…it was almost as though I were there. Is Charlotte sort of a mother figure in the friendship?
you were almost there…YAY, that’s really the point of this exercise yes???
Charlotte is stepping into the role as Katie handles her infidelity. I think Katie needs Char as a friend and not a jury at this point.
yeah, you did great with the mall scene.
Hey Katie! You know! seriously, stop being a fool.
sorry, I’m too involved in this….great work
Hey! she doesn’t know..she loves Lance, she married to be a good girl…so fool or not, Katie is conflicted.
but you liked it and that’s all that matters to me. Thanks for coming by my friend.
You set the scene well. In fact, I am now craving a pretzel with cheese sauce! I love your description and you were definitely able to move your story forward as you drew us in to Katie’s big delimma. Well done.
HI Stacey, ..wow everyone wants a pretzel..I think the “MALL” translated.
thank you for coming over to read, I’m just happy you enjoyed yourself here for a few minutes. THANK YOU
I liked how you set the stage. The mall worked for me, the only thing I like about a mall is a pretzel. I know I say this every week, but every time I genuinley enoy your dialogue. Also, the last line, loved it.
Hi Lindy, and I say it every week, I can’t believe you even read my “stuff”. Honestly It’s just nice to have you here and know you are interested and enjoying it. You can’t know what a comment like this means to me…so thank you.
“Charlotte shock back, winking at her best friend.” – I think that should be ‘shot’ back?
I like how you use the setting of the mall to give the reader a glance into who these girls are. Showing someone talking with food in their mouth is brilliant in that it shows the reader how close these girls are to each other.
The only real criticism I have with this piece, is that all the location description is stuffed into the beginning. I think you could draw it out a little into their conversation. “She said as they passed XYZ store” or something similar. That would help the structure of the piece because then you wouldn’t have a big block of location/description followed by a big block of conversation.
noted my friend, I will start reworking it..thank you for the suggestions and really for just coming over here to read my stuff…that makes me happy enough.
Yup. That’s a mall for sure.
Like mentioned in other comments, I now desire a pretzel.
I struggle with this piece a bit, because cheating is so destructive…and it would be so hard for me, as a friend, to not jump all over her and say, ‘STOP IT!”
thank you Nancy. I love when you come over
Charlotte doesn’t judge Katie and vice versa, that is not the conflict in this story, it’s the men in their lives. I want Char and Katie to have above all else, each other. My best friend never judges me and never has (even when I made some really negative choices) ..their friendship is based on the kind I have, so this works. Does that make sense?
Malls are chaotic creatures and restless at the best of times. A setting I think you nailed and so perfect for the chaotic, conflicting emotions in that poor girl’s heart. Perfect!
oh thank you…I like the way you thought about the chaos of that place and her heart…it works like that for me too. I appreciate the comment.
This post reminds me of my recent excursions to the mall, and how Scooby is constantly asking me for pretzels. It’ s just not a visit to the mall without getting some Auntie Anne’s!!
I don’t have anything new to add. I agree that you could have sprinkled more of the setting throughout the piece, but I also like it as it is. I know where they are, now I can focus on their conversation. My only thing is I think I wouldn’t really shout out that I was having an affair. I would probably lean in close so only my friend heard it.
in my own defense, I wanted her to shout about the affair, I think that for Katie she is beyond rational thought about Lance, she just doesn’t understand why she can’t stay away from him…so in my head I saw her not being demure, almost shouting it to make it real and make herself hear it..does that make sense?
Distractions, LOL. I wanted to thank you for taking me to the mall with you today. I don’t get enough girl time.
next time…FOR REAL, we go to the mall together. (I’d love that!!!) xo
OMG. Abercrombie and Fitch! Total headache!
I liked how you described the mall without telling us it was a mall. But as a PP mentioned, it’d be good to sprinkle in more of the setting. Like Katie narrowly avoiding a toddler who’d thrown himself on the floor in a tantrum. Or maybe a dress (or shoes) in a window catches on of their eyes and they stop for a second to ooh and aah.
Also? Please send me a pretzel!!!
everyone wants a pretzel…they are on the way.
I will rework this with a little more “mall” ..thanks for the suggestions.
(nice to see YOU here my friend. )
I think that I’m with Rox on this one. For the purposes of the exercise, especially, I’d liked to have seen more of how the mall as a physical space defines them and their relationship, and weaving it into the conversation a little more would give you more opportunities to do that.
You do a great job using the pretzel as a character defining prop, I really feel like I know Katie a little better for it, especially as she’s seemed very proper (affair aside) in her speech and feelings thus far. This little immaturity adds depth.
thanks Cam, I guess I do have to work on this piece if I want more :location” I really thought I said enough about the mall, like a screaming toddler would be overkill. BUT…I’m learning and listening to the MASTERS (like you) so I’ll rework it.
Katie and Char love each other, they have been friends FOREVER..so a little open mouth chewing, just like girlfriends..all par for the course.
Nice. You beginning description of the mall really painted the scenery for me. Although, when they were talking, I think it could have used a bit more in terms of setting. It faded in the background until you brought it forward again.
thank you, and I’ll try to rework it with more “mall” although I felt like they were there..the Game STop , the stores, I didn’t want their conversation to be about the place…but I’ll try to fit more in. Thank you for coming over to read it, that means a lot to me.
I always love when you write the two of them together, and of course I love the mall.
In terms of the “setting” part of it, I don’t know if you “hear” the clicking heels in a mall. They’re just so loud and have so much background noise, especially when they are busy. That’s just something little that struck me. Maybe I go to the mall to much when I’m thinking about that?
Please send a pretzel
HI…
well I always hear the clicking, is that weird? I do, I love that sound..of shoes on surfaces like that and I do hear it, above the din, above the rowdy teenagers, etc. I guess I’ll have to change it but in my mind the mall is full of the clicking of shoes.
I’m just glad you got the “mall” , that it was evident where they were .
Pretzel on the way. xo
This is so vivid. I love how you refer to their “natural habitat” and go on to describe the surroundings so well. You never even use the word mall but we know exactly where you are.
THANK YOU…wow, what a great comment and compliment. I appreciate you just reading my “Crap” really. So thank you for making me feel like it was worth reading.
I’m so torn with this story line. On the one hand, I LIKE her. On the other, she’s cheating on her husband and I just know karma’s going to kick her ass. It has to.
This was a great description of the mall. (Is it bad, I didn’t recognize A&F? Can you tell we don’t have a mall in these parts?) I loved the pretzel details and while I agree with a couple of PP’s about adding a few more scene settings, as it was written, I was already THERE, dodging strollers, wandering, eating. In other words, great piece.
first I need to tell you that I read your comment days ago and it has kept me smiling ever since. I felt like the mall was well defined in this, even at the end they stop and sniff candles etc, having a toddler have a tantrum would have been overkill, there were shops, there was clicking on linoleum and there was my story.,.which is what was being told. Mandy YOUR opinion means SO MUCH to me, thank you for seeing this like I did. THANK YOU. xo
The mall scene is great. It’s such a common place and yet you gave it a sense of life and movement that could be easy to miss. One minor concrit – it should be “Charlotte SHOT back” rather than “Charlotte shock back”. Great job, though.
yes, I need to change that…vacation said..”don’t touch that computer!!”
but thank you so much for coming over to read it, for leaving me a comment and for “seeing the mall” with me. 
Hi there, just wanted to say, I enjoyed this blog post. It was funny. Keep on posting!