Lance cupped the heavy cut glass, brought it to his lips and took a deep swallow of the amber Scotch, letting it burn the back of his throat.
Shaking his head from the rush of alcohol hitting his veins he stroked the screen of his cell, the menu jumped to life but there were no new messages or texts.
“Goddamnit Kate” he hissed, loud enough to make the other three patrons turn in his general direction. She had told him that she was off limits this week, but his heart wouldn’t let him believe she wouldn’t want to hear from him.
She had told him she loved him, didn’t that mean something?
Tipping his head back he drained the glass and pushed it toward the lip of the bar, inviting a refill.
The bartender sauntered over, a towel over his shoulder.
“Same?”
“Double.”
Letting out a low whistle he rubbed his shaved head as he grabbed the Chivas and tipped the bottle. Pushing it back toward Lance he cleared his throat, “Lance, man, who is this woman? Cause she’s got your nuts in a vice buddy. “
“More like my heart, Sammy. But yeah.”
“She not interested?”
Lance thought of Katie undressed and underneath him, whispering, giggling and moaning his name.
“Nope, not the problem.” He said, thoughtfully bringing the glass to his mouth again. “She’s married.”
The barely hidden look of pity from Sammy had him draining the glass and shoving it forward to be filled again.
Sammy shook his head but picked up the cut crystal, “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“Just fill the fucking glass Sammy, I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough.”
Just as Sammy bent his intimidating 6 foot 3 frame into Lance’s face the phone between them chirped.
Three words lit the screen, “Miss you too.”
Lance lifted the glass and toasted his friend, a smile spread across his face.
“You lucky bastard Lance, saved by the bell again.”
This week at Write on Edge we’re going to play Victor/Victoria. If you typically write from the male perspective, switch it up to the female. And if you generally write female, go for the male.
I normally writing about the Gals, (Charlotte and Katie) when I write Gathering Buttercups, I wanted to write the guys instead this week.
Liked this installment? You can read the on going story from the beginning here: GATHERING BUTTERCUPS
The smoothnes of Lance around Sammy because of his confidence with Katie is very masculine. You did such a good job of marking what Lance was feeling.
great writing
I just heard men in a bar in my head, I’m glad that a man told me that it sounded like it should have. You really should have read it before I hit publish, next time I’ll send it over first.
thanks for just coming over to read my Stuff, and not rolling your eyes.
*sigh* Perfect, as always. Your characters are such likable people, you can’t help but root for them.
I noticed that Lance is toasting Sammy with an empty glass. Was that on purpose? I thought perhaps it might be symbolic.
sooooo…when I read this over the weekend, I started crying. Yep I did. The empty glass…almost as if to say “Fill it Sammy!” all I could see was Ben Affleck and his way of smiling and snickering at the same time, like a cat that finally got the canary ..for now.
it’s not perfect, but having you just come over and read it and not click away long enough to leave me a comment, always makes my day. THANK YOU. xo
I love it. His internal doubts balanced with the physical reactions he shows to it are perfect. Great job.
he is a man in love, maybe for the first time in his life, or in love again…with this woman and it’s making him like an 18 yr old. Not a bad thing and god knows it’s FUN to write, but yes, Lance is barely hanging on to every text.
thank you for reading it and commenting, that means so much to me.
I love the guys side to this! I love knowing that Lance could’ve went with the bartenders vulgar remark about Katie having his balls in a vice but took a softer side by saying it was more like his heart.
Can’t you just bang out a full novel…or series?! It’s torture waiting to see where this goes! (It hurts so good though!) xo!!
he’s conflicted and captured, all those what if’s, and now he has a chance to see what it would be like to have them, make a man crazy with love right?
it does HURT SO GOOD doesn’t it???? Don’t worry I’ll keep you in the story as much as I can during the week my friend. xo
Beautifully done, and very masculine indeed. “I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough” ad “nuts in a vice” in particular
Way to go with this scene, I love it. MORE!
HI Frelle, how are you today? I am so happy you liked this, that it came across masucline and worked for you. I’m just always so glad when you visit. TRULY. xo’
Oooo- you’ve got a back story for the bartender too. Two male perspectives in one! Great job.
HI YOU!!!!! I don’t care why you are here, just so glad you are!!!
yes Sammy and Lance have a past, which works well for the story. SO glad you liked it. THANK YOU for just coming over to read it.
I’m a new follower and am sooo enjoying the ride! I will definitely be pouring myself a glass of wine and reading where it started (well, in a few hours since it’s only 9am). GREAT READ!
HI!!!
so glad to see you here! Honestly, I’m so humbled that you didn’t just click off it or roll your eyes. I hope if you read more of it that it didn’t disappoint. So nice to meet you AnnMarie.
Ohh, loved this. And I had to go back and read the whole story from the beginning. Can’t wait for the next installment.
REALLY???? you did?? WOW. I hope it didn’t disappoint. I am enjoying this new story (KImmy and David last year was fun too) and am so humbled by people actually reading (and some actually enjoying it)
it means a lot to me. THANK YOU.
Oooh I really enjoyed this piece. Very vivid and awesome dialogue!
My only complaint is this sentence–> The barely hidden look of pity from Sammy had him draining the glass and shoving it forward to be filled again.
I don’t like the “had him draining” part. Isn’t that the passive voice? Just overall the sentence is really awkward. Other than that what a great piece.
HI Erica,
I will work on it and reword it, thank you for the crit and I appreciate you even taking the time to read it.
I so love that you came over to read it, truly.
You write good MAN.
(I know. I have such a way with words, huh?)
BEST COMMENT EVAH!!!! Honestly I want to hang this one up Julie.
xooxo
THANK YOU!!!
Love – as always! I think you did a great job with the male perspective, especially as I see it:
Anger (““Goddamnit Kate” he hissed) + Confusion (She had told him that she was off limits this week, but his heart wouldn’t let him believe she wouldn’t want to hear from him) + More Confused Feelings (She had told him she loved him, didn’t that mean something?) = Drinking and Not Talking About It. (Tipping his head back he drained the glass and pushed it toward the lip of the bar, inviting a refill.)
I’m glad his bartender buddy gets him to open a little after this!
And because you know I can’t help myself, here a few quick edits:
“Goddamnit Kate[,]” he hissed
Pushing it back toward Lance[,] he cleared his throat,
“Nope, not the problem[,]” He said,
“Just fill the fucking glass[,] Sammy, I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough.”
Just as Sammy bent his intimidating 6 foot 3 frame into Lance’s face[,] the phone between them chirped.
Three words lit the screen[:] “Miss you too.”
Lance lifted the glass and toasted his friend[.] [A] smile spread across his face.
“You lucky bastard[,] Lance, saved by the bell again.”
Excellent read, as always!!
oh you know that I count on you to do all the editing, I’m really really lousy (and lazy) at it.
But thank you for taking time out of your day to not only read this and NOT roll your eyes or just click away and help me. It means THE WORLD to me. Truly.
I’m also glad you liked it. THANK YOU.
When Sammy said “Don’t you think you’ve had enough” I could swear he was talking about Kate. There’s foreshadowing there even if it’s unintentional.
Well done!
ahhh, you get me don’t you??? I love that you get some of the “little stuff” ..
but Lance isn’t going to go quietly. Not a chance.
This is a softer side to Lance, and I think it leads to a little more sympathy for him.
I, for some reason, thought Lance was married too. Obviously I am losing my mind. Not for the first time, I assure you. Don’t mind me babbling over here in the corner.
hey sweet stuff, I think you would come to see Lance is not all bad….eventually.
and yes he is married, I wrote the Trifecta this weekend for him and introduced his estranged wife Sara. Are you still babbling????? It’s sooo cute.
(plus see, you were RIGHT!!!)
xoxo
I love the opening line! Great perspective- and I did not see that coming! The story kept me guessing.
HI Julia,
so happy to have a new reader/friend here. Thank you for coming over to read it. It means so much to me to have captured your attention.
Hope you’ll read for the rest of the series…but honestly thank you for coming over and leaving me a comment, it means a LOT to me
I love that he’s appreciating the finer things here: the Chivas, the crystal, and at them same time he’s so cranky with Sammy. It definitely shows his frustration with Kate and their situation.
I’m so glad you SAW this in this piece of it, that he is trying to be civilized and inside his heart is 18 years old. It really is. His own *BROKEN* marriage, her marriage and the WHAT IF…it’s all coming to a boil now.
I love getting to see the other sides. You need a feel for both participants in this. He’s definitely showing his male attitudes, the thought that how dare could Kate now want to be with him, his anger and frustration.
Love the smile at the end. And the last line
HI sweets,
I don’t know I think I need to rewrite that last line, “Lance, you lucky sonofabitch, saved by the bell again” does that sound better? Flow better? what do you think?
I’m just glad this came out manly and really showed Lance’s heart for what it is, CONFLICTED and CAPTURED.
I love how manly Lance comes across. Great job on this. Somehow I imagine him looking a little like Chris Hemsworth but that may be because I just got back from the movies and saw him in Snow White and the Huntsman. So hot!!!
oooh he’s not blonde, but manly yes. Lance is extremely Manly. No wonder Katie can’t say no to him
I am glad you liked the movie, I’d like to see it myself, it looks so good.
Late to the party, per usual.
I liked this, the bit of foreshadowing with the “haven’t you had enough” line, the fact that his heart’s involved showing it’s not just lust, and the waiting for the text. That, most especially.
Because it rings so true. As a newly single gal in this modern world of texting, it has to be the worst thing in the world to wait for a text. Far worse than the “old” days when one had only to check her answering machine. Oh. And the dial tone.
Now, you KNOW he has his phone on him, and you KNOW it takes a mere second to text, and you can’t help but wonder…
When’s he going to text?
It’s enough to drive a sane person to drink. Tell Lance, I’ll belly up to the bar with him.
you just always get it Mandy, you always understand. thank you for always being here, to follow my silly stories.
and yes, waiting for those texts is pure torture, I mean I’m not dating but I know if I was, I’d be just as betwixed as you are. Lance is fixing you a drink as we speak my friend.