This week at JUST.BE.ENOUGH the prompt is
“Something I secretly like about myself”
I got an email last week from my amazing friend Tiina.
She has been reading my drafts for Gathering Buttercups before I hit publish and visiting me here at my desk to see what part of the fiction is actually rooted in a story from my past with my BFF Lisa (who I am writing Gathering Buttercups for) or another tale from my times before husband, infertility, twins and responsibilities.
She is fantastic listener, a wise adviser and she laughs at my silliest memories.
She is (and she’ll hate me for writing it but whatevs…) : An awesome human being.
Yet, she and I are as different as night and day, ketchup and mustard, fiction and non-fiction. She will shake her head at me and say “Kir, only you could see it like that.” and I just look at her, all “big deer eyes in the headlights and wonder..‘whatever do you mean?’”
So when we were discussing a part of the story that didn’t ring true for her, or for reality in general she sent me an email that explained the way she saw me:
I think of people as boxes of crayons. Most men/women are a box of 8, 16 if they are lucky. They couldn’t possibly conceive of ideas drawn by someone with a box with more crayons – they don’t have the palette. I’m lucky – I may be a box of 64 with the built-in sharpener, but I married a designer. He’s at least a box of 32!
You, my beautiful girl, are a limited edition box of 128 with the built in drawing table and collectors case. You can’t conceive of others not being able to understand what you see.
Reading this my eyes welled up and my heart just burst open. It was more than the reference or the thought behind it,instead what I wanted to believe more than anything was that it might be true. That when I am emotional, empathetic, “too much Kir“, maybe it’s a product of me just being able to view the world in so many different colors that I don’t have a empty space that I don’t how to paint. When I wonder if there is something wrong with me or that my view of the world is something that people just laugh at or pat me on the head about, this gave hope that while I might be different and colorful there is nothing wrong with that.
The truth is that for me, it’s not just BLUE or RED or YELLOW because I love cerulian and azure, crismon and raspberry, canary and sunflower a whole lot better.
Tiina is never going to understand (well maybe now she will) how much it meant to me to get this email, but I truly hope that she knows that what she gave me was more than an explanation.
It was a deep wonderful look into the kaleidoscope of my deep mushy heart that allowed me to see something that I secretly like about myself: The ability to see all the colors.
Next week’s Prompt:
A Path Not Taken
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Thank you Tiina, for….well for everything my friend!!!
I LOVED this post, as most of the time I feel about as useful as a white crayon myself. Tiina sounds like a wonderful friend and I’m envious you two have each other.
But her sentiment rang so true, as I’m often one that “colors outside the lines” with various shades, so to speak, when it comes to how I view the world. I often feel like a weirdo, but it helps to remember that it takes all kinds. Not everyone likes every color, and it helps to see them all
Fabulous post, my friend!
abby said perfectly what i was thinking. this was beautiful. im rather fond of turquoise and blue topaz, sunflower and burnt sienna myself, even if i do color outside the lines sometimes.
I am so happy to be in the same box of crayons with you…truly. You are such a WONDERFUL, COLORFUL person to me, I see YOU like this. Don’t ever forget that
xo
What a truly wonderful friendship! She sees you for the special woman that you are and celebrates it out of the blue. You two are very lucky to have each other to add even more and different colors to your lives. xo
she really is such a wonderful colorful person. I’m lucky to have her as a friend and lucky that she gave me a new “view” of myself. I can’t thank her enough (sort of like what you did for me by being my friend sweetie!)
So lovely! I’m so glad you have people in your life who see and appreciate who you really are
she’s a gem truly and it wasn’t about how she saw me (not really) more like the way that she made me look at myself. I’ve been thinking about it all week.
I can see you as a big huge box of crayons as colorful as sprinkles on cupcakes.
awwww, what a really wonderful thing to say to me my friend, although I think you have a LOT more crayons and color than I have. Did you say CUPCAKES?
xoxo
I love this. You are an amazing person, as wonderful and colorful as a big box of crayons. We are all so lucky to have you in our lives. xoxo
no, no Kimber-bee…I AM SO LUCKY to know you and have YOU in my life. you are the one with all the gorgeous colors. xoxoo
*blushing* ummm – really didn’t expect this!
but I’m glad you’re seeing yourself in the rainbow. Cool thing is – in the big boxes they have the glitter crayons – a LOT like sprinkles on a cupcake!!
When my babies were still babies, I framed a saying for them: “Never be afraid to color outside the lines”. Ordinary is for other people.
Of course you are like a box of crayons! You color the lives of the people you touch, always. In a good way of course.
Signed,
Lover of Turquoise
I have not visited this place enough. My goodness woman!!!! My heart is giddy and full of your spirit and, well DUH!!!! No simple box of crayons could possibly contain or do justice to the colors that beam from your words and radiate from you. You are an amazing artist with colors just fighting to be used by you. I also can not believe you have done it again. How do you do it??? You are simply inspiring. I come here and I am inspired. Inspired to write and inspired to shout out to the world your inspiring words!!! I would love love love to write a piece inspired by this… Heck maybe this should be a topic for JBE?? You are simply inspiring xoxoxoxox -LV
oh. oh wow. hey you…who make me cry every single time she leaves me a comment? You are the BIG BOX OF CRAYONS..not me! YOU are all the colors that allow me to try out some of my own, you are such a RAINBOW in my life. DO you know that????
if I inspire anything, I’m glad…please write and please color and please BE YOU!!!! Because that girl, whom I love, is such a fantastic and amazing woman, I can’t believe the universe lets me be HER friend. xoxoxo
What a gorgeous compliment. And? So true!
don’t forget that sky blue swimsuit!
ah yes, the swimsuit, (Which fits lately!!!) did you get yours yet??? I just love wearing that color blue, it makes me happy.
You are every color because you feel every emotion, in each unique situation, deeply and thoughtfully. You get that the sadness that comes from infertility is not at all the same shade of sadness that comes from discovering that all the mint chip ice cream is gone.
You get that the joy of seeing a little boy’s smile is a different shade of yellow than the shade of joy that comes from accomplishing a personal goal.
Your an artist of emotions
Keep painting!
again, BIG salty tears running down my cheeks. Honestly, how can anyone see me this way, when I don’t see it. I loved the email and the compliment, it made me happy to think that someone might see this in me…but to have women like you..YOU..who is so inspiring to me and who I see as the most colorful to say such beautiful things to me. I cannot thank you for that…I don’t know if I have the words, I have the tears…do they count?
xoo
That is a beautiful compliment!
**HUG** it truly was, I don’t know if I deserved it, but it was welcome this week, when I needed it the most. xo
REmember being little and stuffing all the crayons into one hand and drawing wildly with them…all of them…that’s you. You use every piece of you in all that you do.
You’re the whole box baby. xo
Kim…oh my Kimmy. I love you, because you make me feel like a BRIGHT CORNFLOWER BLUE Crayon, with magenta and Barbie PINK highlighting it.
I would color with you anyday, my beautiful, colorful, creative, inventive and COMPLETELY inspiring friend.
and “you’re the whole box baby” reduced me to tears, big salty tears flowing down my cheeks. You can’t possibly see me that way…xoxoxox
I totally get this post. The seeing more, deeper, in more detail, overcome by the brilliance or shimmer, or contrast… when others see in from their lens that only reveals those 8 colors. I love that we’re the same this way