My friend Jamie over at Chosen Chaos is a gem. A good friend, a wonderful writer, a phenomenal blogger.
Last year she started a series called “IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME” and with it she asked certain bloggers
(YAY, I was one) to write a letter to yourself at 18.
I didn’t write a letter, instead I wrote a memoir post about looking at myself at 18 through the eyes of a 42 year gal.
It was honest, It was touching, and to this day, it’s still one of my favorite pieces (that’s I’ve written).
Jamie asked us, on the Anniversary of “If I Could Turn Back Time” to post our own letter to our site.
I’m glad to do it for her, to share it with you in this space, to read it again.
Thank you Jamie for giving us a place to remember and reminisce, it was truly a humbling experience to write for you.
IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME:
by Kir
I sat across from her, looking into her as you do a mirror.
I squinted and sat back, contemplating her.
Her features and smile were so familiar, it was as if they greeted me in the looking glass every day, but her permed hair hardened with hair spray and her blue eyes that were unlined and void of any true sadness made me revaluate my first impression.
I leaned forward, my hand stretching to touch hers. A gold ring with a dark emerald green stone adorned her finger, the Old English K unblemished and sparkling.
I gasped, “Do I know you?”
She smiled, a mouth of silver twinkling back at me, and nodded.
I felt her urgency then, how she swung between desperation and delight for a glimpse into herself.
She regarded my mere presence as a gift, a prophecy.
I was caught.
I knew at once that my choices were limited.
I could talk to her, disclose and forewarn, scare her silly, whisper the juicy secrets she seemed so eager to have me impart.
I could prepare her; for the heartaches, for the roads that she would need every ounce of strength to travel and the grief she would suffer as she lost people, love and dreams.
I thought about tapping her hand and stroking her hair, begging her to make good decisions, to be careful about boys, booze and best friends.
Or maybe regale her with tales of her own shenanigans and moments that others may dismiss as mistakes and missteps. Remind her that life is only as serious as you allow it to be and that the pure act of laughing will save you every time.
How do you articulate the fact that those memories are the ones that will keep her warm when her world goes cold?
I could paint her pictures of the places she will visit, the lips she will kiss, the hearts that will take her in and let her stay a while, spraying the canvas with colors so vivid and rich that they charm and enchant her.
My voice could get conspiratorial, reminding her that it is her distinction and deep emotional side that will give her wings to help her fly.
In hushed tones I could remind her to stand out and stand up against all odds.
You do not need to be like everyone else.
So I lifted my eyes and met hers, peered into the same blue pools swimming in the same dreamy expression, and made my decision.
As I watched her face glow with expectation and hope for all the answers, I said instead:
“Sweet girl, young woman at the start of your path….you are going to be just fine.”
HAPPY FRIDAY and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to Jamie’s beautiful series.
Loved this then, still love it now. Memoir-style – so clever, you
Loved this one the first time around! And I love it again. So glad you brought it home!
More than just fine, you’re going to be really awesome. Just wait!
Oh Julie,
you made my eyes tear up…what an incredible thing to say. Love you. xo
Ordinary is for other people.
YOU Taught me that…thank you darlin.
The ending of your letter made me cry. Your letter was simply… beautiful.
oh thank you so much, not for the tears…but for the LOVE. I am so glad you came over and read it..that is making ME weepy.
Loved it! The last line was the absolute perfect ending for this!
ah thanks t, Like I said, of all the things I’ve written in 7 years…this continues to be one of my favorites. I’m so glad that you liked it too.
Oh yes. Love this. I would never trade the lesson for the wisdom that it taught me.
so glad you liked it, I knew you might!!!!
thank you for coming over to read and visit me…I love when you do.
Whenever I updated the page for all the new 18 posts I always reread this one. It pulls me in in a new way each time. It makes me even more happy that you love it as much as it deserves to be loved!
do you know how happy that makes me? That something I wrote for your space touches you like that? I am truly humbled by that. Thank you for asking me to write it…FOR BOTH OF US. xoxo
Whoa you are a great writer!
Whoa.
oh thank you..so much for saying that. I don’t think I deserve it, but thank you so much for not only coming over to read this but to say that. WOW. xo
Just Wow! Absolutely beautiful! This brought tear to my eyes!
oh thank you…thank you so much. I love this letter to myself, so glad others do too. xo
I am in tears over this. I remember reading this before and it touched me again. Just beautiful, memorable and brilliant. You have a wonderful way with words.
I can’t stop crying reading this. I just relieved an email after my last miscarriage last week about how she wishes she could turn back time to our naive high school days. This post brought up so many emotions. Beautiful.
oh Katie, I am so sorry…for all of it, for the tears and the m/c and the loss of yourself. Please know that you are going to be ok and if you need an ear or a shoulder, I am never ever far away.
xo