Asking for Help & A Kick in the Ass {Pour Your Heart Out}

This morning I started my day by reading this, my heart broke, my blood boiled, my skin flushed  and  then I read this and my heart exploded with the knowledge that maybe someone out there understood me, maybe someone was somewhere feeling the way I was. For a small and undeniable moment I felt the kick in the ass I have desperately needed.  For a small, undeniable moment I didn’t feel as alone as I have for the past year.

As a great lover of empowering quotes I could wax philosophical about how things that don’t kill you make you stronger, or build a case for how you must take the other, less traveled path or I could just come right out and say that I am responsible for my own happiness and admit that looking to the world around me for it is not only selfish but bound to disappoint me.

And yet here I am, asking.

Because sometimes you need a village, some days you just can’t do it alone.

I need a village.

There are people who will tell you that another person can’t take something from you unless you allow them to. I disagree. I think that some people can steal your pride, dignity and self worth from you as easily as they will cut you off in traffic or step in front of you in line without a backward glance. Maybe the worst lesson a person like me can learn is that some people will hurt you and never apologize.

I’ve watched some of my own relationships and friendships dissolve and bend until they broke, I have watched other relationships around me do the same and it sent me into a sad, lonely place. I’ve shared parts of myself with people that never deserved them because they weren’t careful with them. I felt lost and misunderstood, instead of being open and hopeful.

And every time I tried to pick myself up, dust myself off, read my empowering quotes and move on, I was pushed back by a moment or a memory. I heard my own ugly, spiteful inner voice chiding me for even trying to crawl out of this hole. STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

I learned just how hard it is to give yourself a much needed kick in the ass.

I also learned how hard it is to be good to the people in my life if I cannot find the courage to be good to myself.

But this morning, I was reminded that the world I am a part of, here on the internet, is just as confused as I am. There are pauses and times when we know we should have done something, but we don’t. We sit, we wallow, we excuse ourselves from the world until our voices comes back. We don’t always have all the answers.



Maybe it’s the light bulb moment I’ve been waiting for while I burrowed under the covers and hid from myself. Maybe what I needed to hear and read and KNOW was that I wasn’t alone. I’m learning that there is no sin in asking for a hand to hold, that power does come in numbers. That if I need a kick in the ass it’s okay to ask for some help with that.

Today, I’m asking for it. I’m asking you to tell me what I mean to you or tell me to keep writing. Tell me you like the way I curse like a sailor in real life or that you enjoy the shoe icons in my header.

Tell me anything, something, everything.

Tell me, knowing that if you were asking me to do the same for you that I would shower you with cupcakes and encouragement. I would remind you how much you mean to me.  I would show you that you are so not alone.

Because you aren’t.


POUR MY HEART OUT with Shell today.

Thank you Arenbya, Kristin, Rita and Empty the Well for the inspiration and kick in the ass today.


46 thoughts on “Asking for Help & A Kick in the Ass {Pour Your Heart Out}”

  1. Kir, I know you only through your writing and what I see on the Studio boards, and I’m so grateful to be moving in the same circles! You’re the second blogger friend I’ve read today who I’m so inspired by because you do exactly that- you pour your heart into your writing, and put yourself out there for people to read and see. Thank you!

    1. Sean ,
      first thank you so much for coming over here not only to read me but to comment. Your comment changed my whole day and my week.

      I don’t have words for what this comment meant to me, but I appreciate it more than I could tell you.

      have a nice weekend and THANK YOU.

    1. I love you. I do. I love that when my world seems most dark you ALWAYS show me the LIGHT. You always validate me and show me the way.

      You are such sunshine in my life.

  2. I am sitting here a teary mess after these posts today. Asking for help is a brave, courageous thing to do, because if you don’t? You end up in a scary, lonely place. I get it. Far more than I’d like to.

    But you, my friend? Are amazing. I read every.single.piece. you write. I don’t always comment, but I always read. And whether it’s your fiction pieces that give me a few minutes to escape, or your heartfelt glimpses into your own thoughts, I appreciate each and every word you share. From the first time I read you, I felt a connection to you and I can’t imagine how many others feel the same.

    The in-person hugs, the fabulousness, the gorgeous shoes? Just a bonus. The curse-like-a-sailor? Just made me love you even more.

    Keep writing, keep going on, and keep doing what you do. We all need it. xo.

    1. From the moment I met you, hugged you and then giggled with you across the table I felt like I was HOME.
      thank you for that, for this comment, for always bringing me out of the dark (or sometimes just laying down in the dark with me).

      I don’t have words for how much it means to me to have YOU in my life. XO

  3. Oh Kir! You know me. I’m from the school of tough love and awkward jokes in the middle of an emotional situation. (SO not good at funerals.) So I’ll say keep on keeping on.


    A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me.”


  4. Kir. Don’t you stop writing. Get out of that hole, leave it behind. Never look back.
    It is having met people like you, that I started to write again. It is because of people like you, that I have a world of friends.

    I’m a loner by nature. I have very few irl (okay 2 and one is my daughter) friends. I’m okay with that, I like alone. And honestly, it is here on the webs that I’ve met more people, including YOU, that I feel I have common ground with.

    We all have different politics, different ways of worship, different writing genres. Different lives. But we are one voice, one community. We feel, hurt, love, share with each other.

    So, here’s a boot up your butt! Get out of that hole. We need you here. In the sunshine, or moon shine, all of the time.

    1. OH Renee,
      I did the UGLY cry after I read this. You touched me in a place that was needed.

      I am ashamed to admit that I needed to reminded that I was worthy , but what you gave me with your words was the greatest gift of this year.

      THANK YOU from the bottom of my very tender heart.

      ps. I love your writing, I love knowing that my words sometimes sit next to yours.

  5. You, my dear, are one of the loveliest people on the internet. I remember a while back you wrote a soul-baring piece about your younger days that took my breath away. I knew you were kind and talented before that, but I had no idea how strong you were. It takes a very special person to not only overcome negativity, but to also radiate positivity the way you do. If you need to hide under the covers for a while, I get it. Believe me I get it. But don’t stay there for long. It’s much more fun in this crazy-writer community. Besides, we have cupcakes :-).

    Sending virtual hugs your way!

    PS I LOVE the obsession with high heels. I’m a little jealous. My feet insist upon comfort over style.

    1. OH Victoria,
      do you know how much LIGHT and SUNSHINE you gave me with your words? I was speechless after reading this comment, to know you think of me AT ALL is such a gift.

      I love knowing you, I love having you in my life. It has made me a better person, because you are a BETTER person.

      you can borrow my heels any time love.

    1. You will never know how much it meant to me that you took the time to not only come over and read me, but to leave me these beautiful words, oh wow.

      You mean the world to me. Thank you, my friend. XO

  6. You mean much more (and to many more people) than you could possibly know.

    Your kindness, encouragement, EMPATHY, is a gift.

    Keep the faith and your chin up; cry when you need to then smile again remembering you’re loved.


    1. OH Julie,
      I wish I could believe that all the time, I wish I knew it deep down inside of me.

      Thank you for always lifting me up, for reminding me, for offering me some light. It means the world to me.

      how lucky I am to know you and call you a friend.

  7. I’m with you, Kir! Keep writing, I love the shoes in your header, and you are never alone!! XO I get this. I know you know I do. One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn these last few months is that people can and will hurt you and never apologize. They don’t think they’re wrong. I think I’m right. It’s a bad combination for restoration and it doesn’t feel good. I hope this was your dam breaking, sweet friend.

  8. I haven’t been here in a very long time, Kir, because, honestly, my feelings were hurt awhile back. But you know what, I’m super glad I clicked through today. Because if you need some encouragement, who am I to not be willing to give that to you?

    I feel so passionately about blogging, about sharing my voice, that anytime another blogger has doubts about their voice, I want to jump through the screen and shake them saying, NO NO NO, don’t you stop!

    So here I am, jumping through your monitor, grabbing your shoulders and saying, “You keep it up, lady!” You deserve to be heard. And, you write so well, that not doing it would just be a travesty.


    1. I actually felt your shoulder grabbing/shaking. I felt all the friendship inside it.

      I am so sorry for hurting your heart and I hope that you can forgive me. I am honored that you clicked through today.

  9. Holy moly, Kir… I’ll tell you all day everyday not to stop writing, that I love the shoes on your header, and probably more so the ones in your closet even though I cannot walk in high heels. Your writing is an inspiration, you are an inspiration. You are one of the kindest, most supportive loving bloggers/writers in any number of communities that I have come across in this wide world of online writing. I think it’s possible to care very much about someone you’ve never met in person. And that’s the way I feel about you.

    1. Oh Steph,
      another comment that just broke me down and lifted me up at once. I felt the love and support from you in every word and it changed my perspective.
      It is so selfish to ask for the reminder that you are valued, but this week, I truly needed it. You coming over here with these words and sentiments was too much to ask for.

      I care very much about you too, I smile at our friendship and hope that you always know that reading you not only inspires me but it also shows me what is possible. Words can change a person’s world and your words always do that for me. I feel lucky and honored simply to read you.

      there are no words for how much this comment meant, but please know that I have placed these words in the corner of my heart. I will pull them out and remember them on the days that the world feels like it doesn’t care about me.

      sending love and hugs to you my friend. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

  10. Kir, you are never alone. So many of us have you in our hearts that when we sneeze and our hearts pause, you should feel it. You bring so much sunshine and love to our lives, mine especially. You have reached out to me so much while my heart has been aching over the last week. I’m sorry that I was so deep in my own despair that I haven’t truly asked how you’re doing. I’m ashamed of myself for doing nothing. You’re right; you would take care of any single one of us. I should take care of you too! I love you, Kir. You’re honest, you’re raw, you’re full of love, you can swear with the beat of drunken sailors and my life is better with you in it!!

    1. You sweet, amazing girl. Please don’t ever apologize to me for not being here…because you needed ME this past week and I’ve been all over the place. I’m so sorry for that.

      I don’t think I knew how much I’ve been hurting or just out of sorts until I wrote this, hit publish and then read it.

      and just for the record, YOU DO TAKE CARE OF ME, so much, so often, that I find myself crying with you thinking you don’t know how much YOU mean to me.

      because all that sunshine you say I’m bringing is just a reflection of all the love you’ve always given me. XOXO

  11. Oh, Kir, please, never stop writing. I may not always comment but I try to read a lot of what you write – I love it. I love the way you tell a story and hope to one day hold a book written by you in my hands!!! Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. I’ll send cupcakes to bribe you if I have to. My pumpkin spice ones are do die for. :) xoxo

    1. Susi,
      you always made me cry..this comment made me cry. I know you are always here…I can feel it. I don’t have words for how lucky I feel to just know you…and if we ever get a moment to meet and chat, I will indulge in those pumpkin spice cupcakes because I am sure they are as amazing as you are.

      THANK YOU for showing me the light this week. XO

  12. Yay for asking for help. Good for you.

    I’m so sorry you’re still feeling this way, but I’m so glad you have a moment of light. I know a lot of people who are beautiful and genuine and who care so much about others, but you’re at the top of that list. The very top. You radiate love.

    May it all come back to you. xx

    1. OH Robin,
      my friend, I am always aware of YOU in my life and so glad about it.

      I radiate what I’m given and please know that the love, support, cheer you give me is what I try (and don’t do such a good job in doing) to reflect back.

      Your words to me changed me this week..thank you for that. XO

  13. Oh honey, you know I’m here for you. Even though I’m far away physically, I’m right next to you in spirit and heart. You’re my sweet silly Goose, one of my favorite people ever, and such an amazing writer.

    Don’t stop writing, don’t stop being you. Love you. xoxo

    1. I hate to admit, that sometimes I just need to be reminded. It sounds so selfish and wrong, but the simple truth is that I’ve been so lost for the past year, feeling so worthless that I didn’t even know how sad I was until I wrote this, hit publish and then read it.

      thank you for taking the time to read it, to send me love and to REMIND me. LOVE you, very much. XO

  14. Well it’s 5am and I’m a blubbering mess. So much. So many feelings. Oh my dear dear beautiful amazing friend. Thoughts and life can weigh heavily on us somedays but we have to keep reminding ourselves, talking to ourselves and shouting to ourselves what amazing and good people we are. XOXOXOX

    1. I love you. I love our friendship, I love your LIGHT and HOPE and SUPPORT. I love knowing that you are out in the world.

      You have saved my heart more than once this year and I can’t ever thank you enough for that.


  15. I liked your article. I can’t put my words down but my feelings are the same as yours! Sometimes I need a kick in the ass because I tend to drag myself through the mud if my relationships aren’t going well.
    Thanks for writing- hugs
    Manic mom

  16. There is no one in the whole internets I’d rather be writing with than you Kir. I love your passion and romance and how you infuse so much emotion in your writing. Your characters come alive with their struggles and indecision. And in the end love conquers all.

    That’s just the way it should be :)

    You need a village? Count me in. I’ll never force you but I will kick you in the ass to keep writing if I need to 😉

    1. The BIG UGLY CRY, that’s what you gave me this week.
      You are such an important part of my village, such a good friend, a confidant, a girl I wish lived a lot closer to me so I could see your new hardwood floors. 😉

      Your ass kickings are my favorite kind.


  17. First, yes of course other people can steal parts of us. Look at the things my sister stole from my family. No one gaave her those things. Many of them, we were fighting to keep out of her hands. She took them.

    Second, OF COURSE I LOVE YOUR FUCKING SWEAR WORDS. Sheesh. There are some people in both real life and facebook who I know swallow hard when they hear the things that come out of my mouth, then say to someone else, “does she HAVE to cuss like that?” And my real friends say, “Oh that’s just Jessie”. My BEST friends say, “fuck yes she does”. And so I say to you, fuck yes I love your writing. Don’t stop dear.

    1. FUCK YES. Your friendship has literally changed my life the past year. It has lifted me and slapped me around, it made me feel “Heard” for the first time in years.

      Plus BLUE MONKEYS. FUCK, Yeah!!!



    Not just your words, but YOU as a WONDERFUL PERSON mean so much to me. Every day. I love seeing your posts show up in my inbox. I love seeing your face on my Facebook. I love chatting with you through comments. You mean the world to me. I love you. And I’m here for you. XOXO

    1. How do you say Thank you for this kind of love and support? How do you emphasize the amount of healing just a comment can give?

      Your friendship has made me a better friend, reading your stories, sharing your space, knowing you’re out there has made so many things so much better the past few months.

      thank you so much for being here. I love having you in my life.

      Love you.

  19. Unfortunately everyone will hurt u at sometime or another & I greatly disagree ( because of my own life lesson) that we can be blamed for what others do but Ihave found solace in knowing that we ddon’t have to accept it,tolerate it.. make excuses for it… I’ve gone into my cancer shell way to many times only to look out on those who have hurt me partying it up, sleeping well & moving on – never giving it a second thought & so now I’m the only person I need to please & this makes me happy – u are beautiful – we just can’t help

    1. I wasn’t expecting this big, ugly cry. Mostly because YOU are the inspiration and the push and the HUG (and the giggle) in my blogging world. I forget that I might mean something to people.

      thank you for writing this to me today, when I needed it most.

  20. Look at all of these voices of support in your comments. Sounds like you have a village.

    I sometimes think that compassion is the door that connects us to others, both in the giving and receiving.

    Love these words: “I also learned how hard it is to be good to the people in my life if I cannot find the courage to be good to myself.”

  21. KIR!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You are sunshine and light and smiles and a warm, amazing, beautiful person!

    KEEP doing what you are doing because you are so good at it and so worth it.

    Love you girl!!! xoxoxo

    And yes, love the shoes too. 😉

    p.s. I am sorry I do not visit here enough lately, xo

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